EMILY PRATT SLATIN

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She/Her/Hers Lesbian

Retired Career Fire and EMS Lieutenant-Specialist, Writer, and Master Photographer, living in Vermont.

I Pointed Out Several Problems

When I was nineteen, I spent a summer helping Mom’s best friend with yard work for twenty dollars an afternoon. I also had a massive crush on her, which apparently was considerably less subtle than I thought.

For several days out of the week, I was at her house raking her lawn, trimming her shrubs, babysitting her dog, moving furniture, basically any task she handed me, I immediately made myself the ideal candidate for the task.

Eventually, by the end of the summer, she told me that she knew full well what I was up to. I had a crush on her, she knew it. It was obvious to her. She said, “it isn’t going to happen. Ever.”

Naturally, I was heartbroken as I had essentially wasted one of my summers chasing something that I should have known would never happen. I went home and told Mom. She shrugged and reminded me that we were both adults, and that if something did happen between me and her friend, she didn’t care.

Nothing became of it.

Over the years, I’ve had massive crushes on some women whom I’ve known my entire life from Stamford who only seemed to get more attractive as time went on.

Nothing became of those crushes, either.

One of those women walked into John’s last night. I’ve had a crush on her for more than a decade.

“Uh oh,” I said to Nora’s friend. “She’s here. That’s the girl I’ve had a crush on for the longest time. I hope she doesn’t see me.”

I tried to hide. She immediately found me.

“Hey, Emily! Hi! How’s it going?”

“Good,” I said, my voice fading out like the start of a male puberty I never experienced. I was trying desperately to act like I hadn’t just spent the previous ten seconds hoping she wouldn’t notice me.

Nora’s friend asked why I didn’t just go over and talk to her and see if maybe I could ask her out on a date, seeing as she’s only a few years younger than me.

I pointed out several problems. She and I have been casual friends for decades, my understanding is that she is completely heterosexual, and she is also married to a man.

Nora’s friend pointed out that none of the factors I listed have stopped me before.

She had a point.